Saturday, January 8, 2011

A Waltz Wave: Blood That Turns to Wine (revised)

Spring
blossoms
ooze
like sweat,
bleed from stems
of the
red
bud tree --
drops that turn
to claret or port.
Not one leaf
unfurled
yet
from the
green spikes so
tightly
rolled
at twigs'
ends.

 A fragment written March 2010, finished January 2011

7 comments:

  1. Beautiful. I can see them, still tightly furled.

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  2. I love the suggestion of life deep inside the trees, beginning to show in drops of blood.

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  3. I revised it because both the ending was weak and I had inadvertently confused what the image of blood turned to wine was about, It would be logical to think I was referring to sap which at least behaves like a liquid,and I did not indicate what I was referring to. But I was breaking with logic here (I know , unusual for me, right?
    Your comments helped me to see this thank you.
    Please let me know if this is an improvement or not. Thank you.

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  4. very nice!! I really like the play on the colours!! very well written!

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  5. I now read it as the red blossoms being compared to drops of wine or blood in their shape and the way they cluster on the branches. I love the imagery of the poem, Lillian.

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  6. Lillian, you write with beautiful imagery!

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  7. This is a lowly poem. And a wonderful example.

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